Yet There is More....... Cancer

I am going to try to keep this post informative and not express how angry I am at this beast.  I'll save those emotions for my journal.

If y'all read this post that I wrote Sept 13th then you know that Mom was hospitalized in Dothan a month ago.  She had another bowel obstruction and they did a scan.  We were told in Dothan that they didn't see any type of new cancer on the scan.  Hallelujah.... right?  (Sadly they either didn't know what they were looking at or was afraid to say.  Dr. Huh saw the "scan report" and it said small node spots in abdomen, so we were kind of prepared for some of what we were going to find out).

Mom hasn't felt great since the hospital stay.  She has a good deal of constant stomach/side pain.  She was scheduled for chemo treatment this past Wednesday (10/14) and was going to try to wait out her pain until then.  Miraculously she did.  She really is such a strong woman!  Majority of you all that see her would never know how much pain she is in and what really goes on inside.  She puts on the prettiest smile and goes on about her day as normally as she can.  

If you read my post from yesterday then you know my kids have had strep/viral infection.  Karter ran fever last week for 4 days and today makes day 4 for Sophie.  With them being sick, Mom & I decided it was best that I stay home with the kids instead of going to her treatment Wednesday.  My Aunt Becky, Uncle Sonny, and I had planned to go because we knew Dr. Huh had planned to discuss the more in depth scan that they requested from Flowers Hospital.  As badly as I wanted to be there, I knew that with both of them going (& Mom) that surely they would relay all the information to me.  I am always so afraid that I will miss out on something with me not being there.  

When they got there, they pretty much immediately admitted her in UAB Hospital.  Her magnesium was really low, low electrolytes, and she needed blood.  For whatever reason they still had not received her full scan from Flower's Hospital so he decided to do his own.  

They did her scan yesterday morning and had the results within a couple hours.  Sweet Dr. Huh called Mom from the airport to tell her the scan was worse than he thought.  Unfortunately, the chemo she was currently on was not working.  Not only was her CA125 up to 1500 (insert really sad face), but the scan showed a lot of  cancer throughout her abdomen that were like "popcorn size kernels". He was so very sorry to have to deliver that kind of news.  There is also a kink in her intestines that is caused from the cancer.  This is causing a lot of her stomach pain as well.  She will start a new chemo drug today called Taxol.  She will lose her hair again, but we would all much rather her be bald forever if that would mean keeping her here.  She will get Taxol weekly for 3 weeks and then have the 4th week off.  The 4 weeks will be considered 1 cycle.  She will have a total of 6 cycles with this drug.  He is also hoping that the new drug will fix the kink in her intestines. 

It seems to be a never ending process.  This cancer journey is getting harder and harder and harder.  Harder for her and harder for us to watch what she has to go through.  I wish so badly some days.... okay most every day..... that we could just go back a few years to when life was "normal".  I'll never understand God's plan this side of Heaven, and no matter how many times people tell us this is "God's plan.... just gotta trust Him" does not mean that makes it easy (and honestly it gets frustrating to hear & then I think..... Toyia.... how selfish..... think of what Jesus did on the cross for YOU.... how much he suffered... how God watched His own son suffer..... still doesn't make it any easier... I am only human).  This journey started February 2014... and has yet to stop or take a pause.  At first I was scared, then I was okay with it, then I was thankful because our family got closer than we had been in a long time, then scared again, and now I am just flat out mad.... angry....bitter....upset.....confused.....heart broken...... speechless.... etc.  

A good friend sent this verse to me this morning, 

When Moses' hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it.  Aaron and Hur held his hands up.. one on one side, one on the other..so that his hands remained steady till sunset.

Exodus 17:12

She reminded me that she and so many others are there praying for Mom and our whole family.  We are tired and weak and Mom is trying hard to be so brave and strong, but the weight seems to be getting heavier and heavier.  All of the prayers that you all are doing are filling in the gaps from where we are feeling hopeless and angry.  Y'all are there holding our arms up just like Aaron and Hur held Moses' up and I couldn't thank y'all enough.   

 This is exactly what Mom is doing right now. 

 Here are some pictures from this week with us facetiming with her and some she and my Aunt Becky sent...

Her getting blood