Things I am Struggling With......

(1) I struggle with cancer overall.  There are so many smart people in this World.  People that can hack the most secure of secure systems, people that figure out ways around banks' security systems and know just when to rob them and I saw the other day where hackers are scanning gift cards and then when you purchase them from the store they are notified and use the gift card before you can even give it to the recipient.  So there are all these people in this world that are beyond my intelligence, but yet cannot find a cure for cancer?

(2) I struggle with watching my Mama suffer.  It is unbelievably hard to see her in so  much pain.  She was in tremendous pain before being admitted to the hospital, then for two weeks we had to watch her be in pain in the hospital, and now that she is home she is still in pain.  I. Don't. Like. That. AT. ALL.

(3) I struggle with Facebook.  I already didn't get on facebook much, unless I was checking my notifications or messages.  Occasionally I would scroll through, but I would have to be pretty bored.  Now it just REALLY frustrates me.  While mom was in the hospital I did get on there a good bit, because I didn't have much to do.  From Friday until today I didn't get on.... I got on there today to check the notification list that kept piling up.  I did check my FB messenger yesterday because I am helping with Sophie's Christmas party and I needed to be involved in that conversation, but it seems to be a place for complaints.  My Mom has cancer for the second time in 1 year and people were complaining about having a cold, having a stub toe, or this or that...... and I just tell ya.... it took all I could do to not comment on some of them and yell say, "BUT DO YOU HAVE CANCER"?? 

(4) I struggle more with the news of cancer the 2nd time around than the 1st.  The first time we were scared, nervous, clueless....... and then a miracle was performed 6 months later and she was cancer free.  And now 3 months later we are hit with the news all over again.  It really made reality set in.  Reality that this is serious......  We knew in February that it was an aggressive cancer, but when it was all gone after her second surgery, I think I was just convincing myself that it wouldn't come back.  Especially less than 3 months later.

(5) I struggle with people.  I am trying not to let people get to me, but sometimes they just do.  Especially now with Moms disease and finding out who truly cares and who really doesn't care at all. 

(6) I am struggling with Christmas this year.  I will never EVER forget Jesus' birth and all that He has done in my life and my families lives.  But I am just struggling this Christmas with the whole "feeling super Merry and happy" thing.  And I love Christmas.  Everyone around me knows how much I love this time of year.  I could listen to Christmas music year round.  I was in the hospital getting down and out about my tree not being up.  It seemed everyone on Facebook had already  had their tree(s) up for a month and I'm thinking.... well maybe ours will go up before Christmas day.  And then while I was at UAB with Mom, my awesome  BFF and my Mother-in-Law put our tree up, the kids trees, and cleaned their bedrooms.  It took a HUGE burden off me.  When I got the snap chat pictures and then when I facetimed them, I seriously cried.  Words cannot describe how much it meant to me. 

(7) I struggled with telling the kids the news on cancer the 2nd time around.  I mostly dreaded telling Heidi because she is older and has tougher questions.  I was praying so hard in the hospital for God to give me the words to say to her if she asked me, "Why God would take her cancer away and now it is back?".  Thankfully, she hasn't asked that yet.  She just asked where it was this time and if her hair would fall back out. 


***I am not writing this for you all to feel sorry for me and my family.  I am writing this because I am sure a lot of you are having the exact same struggles to your own degree in your lives.  We all have struggles.  Our family's pain is no bigger than your family's pain.  I know so many people that are without their loved ones this Christmas or have been without them this entire year or for several years.  The emptiness and missing them never goes away.  We just all need to lift one another up and encourage each other and check in!  If someone is on your heart, it is not by accident.  It is because God put them there.  Pray for them.  Contact them.