Whirwind... get ready

Wow... my head is spinning... there are so many thoughts in my head just going round and round... I don't even know where to begin really. But I will start with one from this morning. A guy from our church, Keith Bell, sang a song with Juanice Dreading. Before he sang he gave a quick testimony. He said that years ago before his current wife he was in a really bad marriage. His wife became pregnant. He said they fussed and fussed and she later lost the baby. Months later she became pregnant again. He said there were drugs involved and arguing and his wife did not want the baby. She finally told him that if he didn't take her to the clinic then she would get someone else to. Of course at this time he just really started crying and there wasn't a dry eye in the building. He drove his wife to a clinic in Columbus and they terminated the pregnancy. He regrets it so very much. As he said, "It wasn't a choice.... it was a child". He looked over to our youth section and said "I am supposed to have a 15 year old sitting there. I often wonder... would I have a son who was muscular and into sports or would I have a beautiful daughter that was smart?" God can help you let go of your struggles. You just have to go to him with them. Keith said he wonders what he will say to that child when he sees him or her in Heaven... how will he explain why to his child?

That has been in my mind all day. If you know me at all, you know that I am very sensitive and my children are my life. I have a very tender heart when it comes to kids. You have Keith's situation and I am sure there are so many people out there who have been in his shoes. Then I have friends who have had miscarriages, friends who have had still borns, and recently I had a friend who lost her 2 year old twins. There is not a day goes by that I do not think about Meredith and Gregg. Because of their situation I have an entirely different outlook on life and my kids. We were at Brayden and Kenadi's birthday party in May and then in a July instant they were gone. Though I have never personally been through any of that, my heart still aches just as much for everyone I know that has gone through it. Even with this third pregnancy, I had a hard hard time excepting it and appreciating the gift of life. It took us a while to get pregnant with my handsome K-man and then out of no where when he was 5 months old I found out I was pregnant without us even trying and using birth control. I was so confused, humiliated, discouraged, depressed, unappreciative and the list just goes on and on. There were so many selfish thoughts that went through my head.... and of course lots and lots of tears that came out of my eyes. But it did not take me long to get my act together and realize how fortunate Kyle and I were. We have soooo much to be thankful for and there's so much for me to look forward to. It's going to be tough, but we can do it. The thought of something happening to Sophie makes me sick to my stomach. I am now so excited to meet her!

Wow... and then there's a lot going on this week alone. The only "free" night I have is Monday night. I am very much a planner... probably the biggest planner you'll know. I have to have structure. Well Heidi got invited to a birthday party Tuesday night... so we have that, then Wednesday night is church, then Thursday night I am going with some Ino Friends to Dothan to hear Sondra Pierce (that doesn't start until 7:30... and I am an early bird... that's my winding down time... and no telling what time I will get home... which that's the devil putting negative thoughts about it in my head) and then if this Friday is anything like this past Friday at work then it'll be CrAZy and we have company coming up from ORLANDO that we haven't seen since October (So excited to see them :) )... and then Saturday morning I have to get up to work at the Rattlesnake Rodeo. Just one thing after the other... and I am tired and stressed thinking about everything. Whoa Baby!

And then I keep thinking about the new baby. One week ago today she did not move at all for me to feel until late that afternoon. I was super scared. I would sit/lay real still just begging and praying for her to move and she wouldn't. I was to the point where I was ready to call someone... anyone to do an ultrasound on me to make sure everything was okay... and just in the right time she moved. Ever since then she has been moving a lot and I am sooooooo very thankful for that! I do not want to have that fear again. I know that probably sounds like I got over paranoid about that, but when you are carrying a baby you don't ever really not worry about him or her until you see their beautiful healthy face.

And there's so much more going on that I would be here for hours typing. This is exactly why I can't nap.... my mind doesn't shut off. Hard to believe I sleep at night... which i do wake up several times a night.... but there's never a break up there.

Oh and taking a double dose of iron has been okay. The first morning I got up at 3:30 and took it and did fine... next morning 530 and did fine. So now I just make sure I take it with food and it has been okay :)!!!! So thankful!!!