Death..... What IS Death?

Maybe it is because we live in a small town and everybody knows everybody, but the older I get the closer to death I realize I am.  I feel like an emotional ticking time bomb.  Especially this past weekend.  I cried.... A LOT!  I even bawled my eyes out over a movie.  I'm not talking a few tears... I'm talking took me a minute to catch my breath. 

Life is oh so valuable.... so why don't we treat it that way?  We all say things we don't really mean that can hurt others, we type things that can hurt others, our actions don't always show love.  Why?  Why can we not comprehend how short it is?  And how badly everyone around us needs to know Jesus.  Not just know Him, but truly KNOW and live for HIM!! 

July 3rd 2013, I lost my very best friend from high school.  It was so hard and sometimes still so surreal.  I've told y'all many times that I visit her weekly.... well her grave.  I just can't believe it.  Even Still.  Her 30th birthday was this past Saturday.  I was so thankful when her mom asked me to join them when releasing 30 balloons to honor her.  It was the most beautiful, sad, heart breaking, heart wrenching 20 minutes.  We each wrote her a little note on a balloon and then her mom released them all.  Watching Katelyn (her oldest daughter) cry, and her husband, mother, father, the rest of her family and friends cry.... and then to hear Miley (her youngest daughter) say when the balloons got out of sight, "Mama caught them"..... I could not hold back my tears. 

And you all know my friend, Lindsay, lost her brother January 1, 2014 in a skiing accident.  So I have constantly been praying for her entire family and her sister in law, Amy. 

AND then.... *tear* this past Friday morning a girl VERY dear to me and our family, Shanecqua, (gotta add that C in her name... she would fuss at me if I forgot when writing her name out) passed away in a car accident.  She was one of my brothers best friends.  She has been to our house many times.  I had the privilege of working with her for 2-3 years.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  She would be 22 tomorrow.  Tyler told me that just recently she was telling him that she was always more afraid of "getting in trouble" with me when something happened than with her parents.  I had to laugh.  I always try to tell Tyler and his friends to just pretend like I am right there beside them.  And not to do anything I wouldn't do :)!!  Didn't always work... but you know :).  My heart is so heavy.  My head is heavy.  She would always refer to herself as "the brown crayon" when talking to Heidi.  Or if she would call she would say... tell Heidi it's her brown crayon friend. 

When I got the call I was at the school making copies.  My knees buckled.  I didn't know it was for sure until I got home.  Thankfully.  I could not move from our couch for a while.  I was thinking about all of my memories with her, and working with her, and then thinking about Tyler and his friends and them being with her.  Tyler was just with her last Wednesday watching a movie.  She tried curling his hair and actually burnt his head.  Of course he is hoping for a scar. 

When I did actually get up, I just came to our room... got my notepad and Bible out and I needed some Toyia and Jesus time.  I know we aren't supposed to understand this side of Heaven what Gods plans are.... but it is so hard not to ask why.  I just needed some comfort.... and where else to find it than my Bible?

I started off by asking myself what I knew about death?
   * I know it is certain.  It happens in the twinkling of an eye.  Is it today? Is it tomorrow? Is it in 40 years? Only God knows.  But it WILL happen.  I know I will join the Heavenly crowd when that does happen, but I need to make sure those around me know the same thing.
  * A lot of times it is unexplainable.  Why take those that have "many years left"?  Gods timing is not our timing.
  * It hurts.  Death hurts those around us.  Parents losing children.  My kids know so much about death.  When I was little I didn't even know people died.  I mean unless they were 550 years old it seemed.  Just seems I am constantly going to a funeral.
  * Sometimes death is a relief... especially when someone is suffering.  A little easier to say goodbye when you know they have fought a good fight and won't be suffering anymore. 

I needed scripture.... I needed to be strong for my brother. 

Luke 1:49
  For he that is mighty hath done to me great things; and holy is his name.
That verse reminded me that we need to be thankful for the time we were given with the ones we love.  And to hang on to the memories we have.

Deuteronomy 6:13
  Thou shalt fear the Lord thy God and serve him and shalt swear by his name.

John 14:18
  I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

2 Corinthians 5:7
  For we walk by faith, not by sight.

Jeremiah 33:1
  Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh: is there anything too hard for me?

Psalm 142:2
  I poured out my complaint before him; I showed before him my trouble.

 I don't know why God has chosen NOW to be the time for anyone.  But I do know He has a plan.  I do know we need to trust Him. 

I don't want you to feel sorry for me by me writing this.  I'm just clearly pouring my heart out.  I want you to pray for the families that are hurting and pray for them to have comfort and strength.