What Cancer Is or Is Not to ME.....

Is that picture not amazing?  Mom is so proud of it and I have to say I am too.  I am so thankful for our tight family.  We can fuss or disagree, but in the midst of trials you better believe we all stick together.

I have been thinking about this post for a while and after we took that picture I was determined to write it.  Before February 4th cancer was a "thing" to me.  I knew it was bad, but that's really all I knew about it.  I have learned so much about not only cancer over the past 2 months, but about myself and life.  So I have come up with a list of how I view cancer now.

1.  Cancer is completely not a word that you want to hear that one of your loved ones have.  It is devastating, heart breaking, and life changing.  BUT it opened all (I think I can safely say all) of our eyes to just how valuable life is.  I saw a quote on Pinterest the other day that pretty much summed up exactly how we need to live everyday, "NEVER FORGET THAT ON ANY DAY, YOU CAN STEP OUT OF THE FRONT DOOR AND YOUR WHOLE LIFE CAN CHANGE FOREVER."

2.  Cancer does not stop you from living.  It makes you want to live "harder" and better.  It has made Mama and us realize just how important every second of every day is.

3.  Cancer is a nightmare.  For a while after finding out, I kept thinking I would wake up any second and I know Tyler thought the same thing.

4.   As bad as Cancer is, it has brought our already close family together even closer.  Mama is not fighting this demon alone. 

5.  Cancer effects everyone around it.  Before Mama was diagnosed, I didn't realize how it impacted children, friends, family members, etc.  I was guilty of only praying for "the cancer patient" in the past and not their family.  It has taught me how to pray better.

6.  Since Mama's first chemo treatment, she has had lots of side effects.  One thing in particular that you learn to appreciate is a simple thing such as the taste of food.  Mama couldn't taste anything for several days (and still can't a lot of the time), but every now and then she can and when she can it is oh so good.

7.  Since Mama's diagnosis the love from everyone... even complete strangers has completely blown us away.  I have had NUMEROUS offers from I can't even begin to tell you who all that if I need help with the kids or help with anything to please let them know.  Not only that, but we have received tons of cards, phone calls, messages, gifts, hugs, & prayers.  I never realized how important that was.  Just letting those that are hurting know how much you care. 

8.  Cancer has completely changed my outreach to people.  I have always been pretty good about sending cards to folks, but now I am even better.  Sometimes people that aren't even hurting need to know how much they mean to you.  Getting an email or text message is nice, but when you receive a card in the mail, it touches you in a very special way.

9.  Cancer brings you closer to God.  We need God in our darkest hours and days.  My focus on God is so much stronger now.

10.  Mama having cancer has made me appreciate living in our small town even more.  I told Kyle that it is so humbling when you go to the store, go to the pharmacy, go out to eat, post office, or anywhere else and someone asks, "how is your Mom doing?". 

11.  Cancer is 100% life controlling.  When your loved one has it, it consumes all your thoughts and focus.  It makes you want to know more.  Research more.  Donate more to cancer awareness programs for finding cures.  It really becomes exhausting at times because it is overwhelming.

12.  Cancer is confusing.  I used to think chemo was chemo.  I had no clue that there were different types of chemo or ways to administer it.  I didn't realize there were different colors that represented different cancers.  Except pink being Breast Cancer. 

13.  Cancer is unpredictable.  We knew Mamas was fast growing, but when Dr Huh said it had grown back in 4 weeks, it really shocked me.

14.  Cancer makes you want to start a "Bucket List" and do everything on it.  It opened my eyes to how short life really is. 

15.  Cancer makes you say, "I love you" more..... and really mean it.

***I will never ever be happy that my Mom has cancer.  But like she says, whether we like it or not, it is what it is and we just have to fight it and go on with life.  Although it is something I will always hate (and yes I know hate is such a strong word), I appreciate the life lessons it has taught me in this short time.