Cancer is a Word. Not a Sentence. (Moms Scan Results)

As I opened my computer preparing to write you this post, tears began flowing uncontrollably.  The pain I feel on the inside hurts so badly.  I know God has a plan for everything, but sometimes it is hard to wait that plan out.  I know it is not my place to understand His reasoning, but sometimes I wish I could. 

My Mom has become one of the strongest women I know.  She is a fighter!  She fights harder than any of us really will ever know.

We left bright and early yesterday morning for Moms 8:45 appointment in Birmingham to have a scan done to see what "this chemo" has done.  We laughed on the drive up, talked, discussed our thoughts on what we thought the scan would show, and the next steps.

They were very quick about calling her back.

When she was finished we had a pretty long time until her appointment to meet with Dr. Huh to discuss what the scan showed.  We did some shopping and then ate at one of our favorite places, The Cheesecake Factory.

We finished just in time to head back for her 1:00 appointment.

No trip to Birmingham is the same without a group picture.

As we were waiting, I was steadily praying.  I was praying for God to prepare all of our hearts for any news that we would receive.  For Him to help us all see His blessing in this journey.

They called Mom back first and then the rest of us.  Once they called us back, we sat in the room waiting for Dr. Huh for what seemed like an eternity to me.  My heart felt like it was about to jump out of my chest.  I was so anxious.

When he came in, he asked us to follow him so that he could actually show us the scan.  I am so glad that he did.  I am a visual person.  The tumor had in fact grown.  It was 4 cm X 6.5 cm.  It sits right between her hip bones and right at her colon.

I felt like a freight train had smashed me in the ground.  All of the same emotions from February 4th suddenly took over once again. In the mix of how I was feeling, I knew God had answered prayers.

Dr. Huh explained how he honestly did not expect Mom to be sitting there and us having that conversation.  Her cancer is so aggressive that he  did not expect the chemo to do much.  That is a God thing.  That is an answered prayer.  The chemo did not kill the cancer, BUT without the chemo, the cancer would have taken her.  The reality of just how serious and severe her case is slapped us in the face.  We knew it was real.  We knew it was serious, but when I am with her almost every day, I just take for granted "how well she is doing" and sometimes forget about this disease in her.

The chemo alone is not going to make the tumor go away.  Another major surgery is the best option.  The thing is, it needs to be done quickly.  We will be back in Birmingham first thing in the morning for extensive surgery and a 3-5 day stay in the hospital.  After the surgery, we'll go back in 3-4 weeks for a scan and then will discuss the next step.  He was pretty positive that she will have to endure more chemo.  Which she is okay with us that if that is what it will take.

Folks this battle is real.  If you have never been close to someone that is battling cancer, I pray you never will.  It consumes your every thought, emotion, act. It consumes your entire life. 

I just ask you all to continue to pray for Mom.  Pray for her to have the strength to continue the fight.  Dr. Huh told her yesterday that she was like no other.  He could not believe how well she was doing.  The thing is, I know that the prayers from everyone is what has helped her to not fall flat on her face.  It's the prayers that have given her the strength to do "just 1 more treatment" even after she really does not want to.

God is our refuge and our strength.  Without Him, we would all be too weak for anything life brings us. 

There is nothing too big for My God.