The weather was pretty yucky Sunday night, so by the time I got the kiddos unloaded in the rain and all the teacher's gifts inside along with my dish of finger foods to enjoy after church, I was a few minutes late for class. I did miss the first couple minutes of Dr. Kevin Lehman's video, but wanted to share with you what I did see and hear.
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Powerful small verse. It suggests that there is a process we go through as parents.
TRAIN UP a child :
Train = repeat
* When you get a puppy, you have to train it to be potty trained. You do the same steps over and over. I know I am apparently repetitive with our chickens and they follow me around the yard like little kids.
* Proverbs 22:6 says to train up a child in the way that he should go. NOT the way that we as parents think (s)he should go. BUT the way God would have them to go.
*Let them make choices. The best place for a child to fail.... is at home.
TRAIN DOWN a child:
* Making choices for your children. Constantly telling them what to do.
I know I thought I knew everything there was to know about life when I was in high school. So much that Kyle and I convinced our parents that we were old enough to get married at the ripe ages of 19 and 20. Do I regret doing that? Goodness no!! Never! BUT.... almost 10 years later... I do realize I was "just a baby". There was so much more to learn about life. And I still don't know everything. I guess I never will. Getting married that young certainly taught me a lot.
I thought this was interesting. He said you don't make your children mind. They simply learn to do right from wrong.
Neat thing to think about......
~ What would happen if you treat your dinner guests the way you do your kids? Would you snap at your guest and ask "DID YOU WASH YOUR HANDS" or "GET YOUR ELBOWS OFF THE TABLE"? As parents, we have to remember that our children have feelings too. Can I get a BIG AMEN there?
* Parents are so busy today that they outsource their children. Don't constantly hand your children off to other people to raise. Hold them close.
~ I have to admit I have always said I have an attachment issue with my children. When Heidi was little, she rarely stayed away. By the time Sophie got here, if they asked to stay with a grandparent, I generally will let them. But I certainly do not hand them off. If you see me, you usually always see my children. Mom and I joke about how Soph is my little bff right now. Since Kman and H are in school, she goes everywhere I go. Dentist, hair salon, grocery shopping, bank, make copies, school parties, everywhere! I feel very guilty when someone has my kids. My parents & Kyle's mom have said before, "Now why didn't you let me keep them"? My response is generally.... well they are my responsibility. I truly believe that. I had my children knowing that my life would forever change. I expected to have my children with me majority of the time. I am BEYOND thankful for the grandparents they have and that is why I do let them stay with them. Just not all the time. I want them to grow up and have memories of being with their grandparents.
~ We have to model good behavior for our children. They 99% of the time repeat what they see and hear their parents doing.
* Kids do stupid things.
~ He said he was talking to a lady that was complaining about how her son would just walk up to the book shelf and pull books off and throw them down. He asked her what she did when he did that. She said she smacked him. He asked her how old he was and she said 1. How sad. FOR REAL FOLKS! He said it is cause and effect. Kids do stupid stuff like that. It is their way of learning. They see joy in taking a $1,000 vase and pushing it off the shelf to see what happens.
*What do you do when your kid throws a temper tantrum? Step over them.
~ All they want is you to give in to them and let you know that they rule over you. WRONG! You are the one in charge. By stepping over them and ignoring their behavior, they will quickly realize you aren't giving in. They do not have authority over you.
EPHESIANS 6
*What do you do when your 16 year old tells you they don't want to go to church anymore? He said let them know that you see what they are saying. You understand that they are trying to figure things out at that age. You don't like the choice they are wanting to make and that you don't ask much out of them on a weekly basis. But out of respect for you that you would really hope that they decide to go.
Kids Misbehave because.....
(1) They want attention. There is a such thing as negative attention. (Temper tantrum). They learn misbehavior from us parents. Kids repeat what they see and hear. We must always remember that. I have to laugh at this because a while back Kyle, My Dad, and I were outside doing and talking about something, I can't even remember what it was. But apparently I was "whining" about who knows what and I stomped my foot. Just like a kid. I. STOMPED. MY. FOOT. Kyle and Dad started laughing and asked if that made me feel better. The thing is... I didn't even realize I had done it until they pointed it out.
(2) They want us to listen to them. In return, they will listen to us.
(3) They need encouraging.
~ There is a difference in encouraging and praising.
Encouraging: "How thoughtful of you"; "Kitchen looks great".... When they bring home a good grade, tell them, "Looks great!! All your hard work and learning is paying off".
Praising : You praise God! When they bring home a good grade, "YAY!! YOU'RE GONNA BE ON AN ALL STAR TEAM FOR YOUR GOOD GRADE! HERE'S $20"!
(4) They want to live in a comfortable environment.
~ Who wants to spend time with anyone they are uncomfortable around? I know I don't! And if I am uncomfortable it is written ALL over my face and actions.
* Model forgiveness
~ Apologize to your children sometimes. "Honey, please forgive me. I should not have said that". Although my kids are only 7,4, & 3, I have already had to apologize to them numerous times. I am not afraid at all to apologize to anyone that I have wronged. In fact, my conscious goes hay wire until I do. So I have apologized to them for yelling, or saying something in the wrong way, etc.
Discipline: Is holding kids accountable for things they do in life.
~ Kids HAVE to learn from situations.
EX: He said there was this kid that walked a mile to school and home every day. He played an instrument in the band. Well one day he walked home without it. His mom asked him where it was and he said he forgot it at school. So she sent him back to school to get it. He came home again without it....remember it was a mile both ways. He told her the school door was locked. She asked if he checked the back door because she knows it is always unlocked. He said no.... so did she take him to get it? Nope.... she made him walk again and that time he came home with it.
Now I'm not so sure that I would have let him walk to get it a 3rd time. BUT like he said, the boy didn't forget it again. And he appreciated the lesson he received.
Being a parent is hard. There is nothing easy about it. Our hearts are always hurting or over joyed or nervous or happy. Truth is.... there is no "rule book" to being a parent.
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